Chinese food and fiction

A story broke this morning about a study that found the food in "Chinese" restaurants in the US is unhealthy, particularly in terms of sodium content. I use the quotation marks because to refer to the food in question as Chinese is generous at best and unfair at worse. The dishes studied bear little or no resemblance to the food found in Chinese homes around the world, with General Tao's chicken being the main offender, but also including Lemon Chicken and even Beef with Broccoli (because this is not the same as this).

Of course, the CP story writer doesn't seem to know this, querying whether 1.3 billion people (presumably the population of China) could be wrong. Newsflash: there is nothing wrong with Chinese food, if by Chinese food you mean the food Chinese people prepare and eat for themselves. The difference between Chinese and "Chinese" was particularly striking in the CBC Edmonton 6 p.m. newscast, as Chinese Chinese-restaurant managers and cooks defended their buffet (yes, I said buffet) items while white patrons ate in the background.

As ironic consolation, the studies notes that the nutritional value of "Chinese" food has not gone down since the last time it was analyzed, "which is something that certainly cannot be said about typical American-style restaurant food." Now hold on there, tiger. I counter that the "Chinese" food studied here is typical, American-style restaurant food. We've all seen it: bright red sauces, meat deep fried in so much batter as to be unrecognizable re: animal of origin, and chop suey glistening with oil. More importantly, we've all seen it in restaurants.

Of course, Chinese immigrants do have to share some responsibility for this conflation of "Chinese" food and Chinese food. After all, they're the ones who un-Communistly bowed to market pressures and "Americanized" the cuisine for customers in the first place. That said, I wonder why they made it more unhealthy in the process. Was it merely because it was the quickest, cheapest way to cook? Or was it to contribute to the gradual decline of the typical American's health? Was it all part of a large conspiracy in which China takes over the world? Is it possible that America (i.e., Hansel and Gretel) is slowly, unknowingly being fattened up by China until one day China comes over and consumes it like a giant amoeba? Or is China just waiting for America to keel over of heart disease before stepping into the power vacuum?

Only time will tell. Until, then, a word to the CPSI: If you're going to muck up "Chinese" and Chinese food, at least refrain from using stupid puns in the study's title.