China, couldn't be finer

Dear China,

Thank you for no longer giving a damn.

For years I have laboured with the stereotype of the overachieving Chinese student, studious, striving for excellent, respectful of authority. Now, however, I see that I can stop conforming to the unbearable stereotype and let it all hangz out

How else to explain the products you've been exporting recently? First was the contaminated wheat gluten used in pet food, then there was the toothpaste, the toys and now tires. Sure, you overacted by executing the guy in charge of quality control of food and drugs, but that was clearly just a bandaid solution (a bandaid made in China? Indeed!).

I choose to believe that you have embarked on a long-term project of lowering the expectations that every Chinese person living outside China is burdened with from the moment they are born—of being "Chinese." No longer will I feel the need to be detail-oriented (proofreading is for wusses!) or good at math (2+2 = 22!). No more must I feign interest in kung fu movies or pretend to like (ugh!) duck feet.

It can't be that the recall issues are the result of an underregulated economy where the urge for modern efficency and profit uneasily co-exists with a tradition of corruption and corner-cutting. And the rumours that your ability to produce so much (varied!) crap stems from employing industrious Chinese front-line workers who never mutter about their paycheques are blatantly untrue (my gut tells me so). You wouldn't do that to us, would you? Employ the stereotype to break the stereotype? I've heard of tearing down the master's house with the master's tools, but that's got to be pushing it.

I can't wait to see what a fiasco the Olympics will be, what with the pollution and the potential mishandling of human rights protestors.

In short, keep up the bad work.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S. I just stumbled across a fascinating article about Chinese online computer game players whose job it is to mindlessly kill animals/enemies to collect gold that will be sold for real money to other players through series of middle men. The players are called gold farmers! Chinese gold farmers! Awesome. This development has somewhat shaken my faith in your new "One family, one disaffected child" policy. Clearly you have figured out for yourself how to exploit young, male Chinese labourers looking for gold without shipping them to California and British Columbia. I am appalled by yet oddly attracted to your ruthless efficiency...