Poor, inarticulate thing

I'm guessing that Miss Teen South Carolina is in hiding or doing damage control as her inarticulate, rambling answer during the Q&A portion of the Miss Teen USA pageant continues its viral rounds on the internet.



Honestly, though, it's starting to feel like the world's longest dumb blonde joke (and her accent doesn't help). Yes, it's a terrible answer that mangles rhetorical devices ("like such as") and references countries-in-crisis du jour. But not everyone is good on their feet. And how would you have answered the question under the same circumstances?

Leave the poor girl alone. It's not like she's the US President or something.

Leave your father out of this, Alberto

Beseiged by both Democrats and Republicans for months, U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned today, having endured controversies over illegal wiretapping and accusations of politically-motivated firing of other US attorneys.

In the news, the most quoted sentence of Gonzales's incredibly brief statement was one that alluded to his immigrant upbringing and his being living proof of the American dream:

Even my worst days as Attorney General have been better than my father's best days.

I guess how you take that statement depends on how you feel about Gonzales. I think that under his term, the reputation of the Department of Justice has taken a hit and that the civil liberties of Americans have been compromised. As such, and as an immigrant myself, I feel that the mention of his "father's best days" is disingenuous.

First of all, in terms of the basic necessities of life, of course Gonzales Jr. had it better than his father, what with the food, clothing, and shelter one can afford on a high-level government official's salary. To compare his own suffering to his father's undermines what his father might have gone through. Secondly, for Gonzales to invoke the so-called "American Dream" where anyone can succeed if they work hard enough insults those very ideals. Someone who "sought to limit the legal rights of detainees at Guantanamo Bay" most certainly does not subscribe to the US tenets of "liberty and justice for all", nor does he care about the rights of American citizens, whose privacy he sought to invade by tapping their phones. Finally, it's as if the reminder about humble beginnings will somehow mitigate the criticism Gonzales has faced, the rhetoric equivalent of "you wouldn't hit a girl, would you?" To go back to point one, once you've had lunch with the President at his Crawford ranch, you can't really play the oppressed card anymore.

So while rising from a disadvantage background to become US Attorney General is indeed an accomplishment, speaking from a position of faux-humility is ridiculous. Once you've attained a certain level of power, it's no longer a question of how far you've come. It's what you do when you get there that counts.

Photo red eye conundrum

Quick survey of the minuscule Excessively Diverted readership.

When fixing red eye in photos, what do you do when only one eye can be fixed? Do you fix one and not the other, or do you leave both red? On the one hand, one fixed eye must be better than none. On the other, symmetry is also good.

What to do, what to do...

Boba Fett balaclava

So, he likes it. He really likes it.

(Phew.)

Boba Fett Ski Mask

After learning many important lessons from my first attempt at my somewhat-well-designed but clumsily-executed prototype, I started a second ski mask, this time with better yarn.

Here is the front part, from the wrong side and the right side:



Here's the completed front part, and the two parts about to be sewn together:



Put together and worked in the round:



And almost completed, but not completely bound off in just case it doesn't quite fit Jeff's swelled head.



It does, however, fit me:


I've debated about whether or not to share the design, for two reasons:
1. The mask was made by special request. I like the idea of it being one of a kind, something special.
2. The mask's design is a little counterintuitive. The type of colour knitting I used (intarsia) can't be worked in the round, which would be the logical way to go about knitting a ski mask. There's really no point in knowing how I knit this particular ski mask if all you're looking for is a basic ski mask pattern.

General tips, however:

• Starting points for the mask included the brief instructions here and here (scroll down). Honestly, if you can knit a hat in the round, you can knit a ski mask (or balaclava, or what have you).
• The neck section should be at least 4 inches long and have fewer stitches than the rest of the mask. Cast on about 10 fewer stitches than you would need at the widest point and definitely work in a rib (probably 2x2). Increase to the number of stitches you want for the head over 2 or 3 rows once you've finished the neck portion.
  
• The eye slit is made by simply binding off the appropriate number of stitches (mine was 6.5 inches' worth) and then casting on the same number of stitches when you get to the point again. Definitely go for the cable cast on over the single cast on.
• BO for the slit at the 7 inch mark. Knit a further 5 inches before beginning decreases.
  
• I didn't continue the 2x2 rib when I reached the "head" part of the ski mask, but instead switched to stockinette. However, the three rows above and beneath the eye slit were knit in 1x1 ribbing, for added security.

Welcome, WikiScanner

It seems appropriate that a few weeks after my grumblings about the Wikipedia entry for Become Jane, the world is introduced to a Wikipedia Scanner, a tool that tracks who makes edits to Wikipedia entries by matching editors' originating Internet Protocols to known organizational IPs. (If my use of the technojargon is wrong, may Ben strike me down.) It seems like organizations such as the CIA, the BBC, and perhaps even the Vatican were not above keeping their fingers out of the wikipie.

My favourite commentary on the issue, however, is this:

Hard To Tell If Wikipedia Entry On Dada Has Been Vandalized Or Not

Incidentally, others have somewhat cleaned up the Becoming Jane entry but I'm currently too busy working on my syllabus to give it the proper attention it deserves.

When...

watching a Lord of the Rings movie marathon (all three extended cuts back-to-back-to-back), it helps to have:

1. A gracious host who provides all the food—and even cooks it!
2. A comfy couch to sit on
3. Good company with which to joke about Frodo's "ringasm" face and dissect the class implications of Frodo's metaphorical burden vs. Sam's physical burden (no frying pan left behind).
3. Not watched the third movie or read the third book so that there is still some suspense involved (I think that Sam and Frodo should have died on Mt. Doom. But I tend to prefer that movies kill off their protagonists.)
4. Beer. Or at least something to toast with by the time you get to the last DVD.
5. Nothing else to do on a Saturday.

Chapter One

Chapter One, all 38 pages of it, has been sent to my supervisor. I have cleaned my desk (so free of paper!) and filed everything away. A pile of library books on my right is just waiting to be returned. I had a really strange sensation while writing my conclusion that I was supposed to write a chapter one that did not resemble the chapter that I actually wrote. Hmm.

In other news. I bought more yarn today. It's a olive-y, sage-y green. Guess what it's for. (Hint: It will be attempt #2.)

Edited to add:
I just realized that this is post #200. I believe that it is quite appropriate, since it signals an end (the chapter) and new beginnings (the knitting project). (Okay, the knitting project is kind of a do-over, but oh well).

Things I've learned from knitting this ski mask

This damned, frustrating ski mask.


1. I finally understand the purpose of the selvage stitch, i.e., the single stitch knitters sometimes add to each side of their knitting. It's particularly useful if you are knitting separate pieces that will be sewn together.

2. Necks are skinnier than heads. I should have knit the neck smaller.

3. Ribbing can be your friend because it's stretchy. Related to the "necks are skinnier than heads" category.

4. Ribbing, however, does not work when knitting intarsia (a method of incorporating different colours).

5. When knitting something designed from scratch that already looks too big, it's better to have the recipient around (i.e., in the same city) for emergency fittings.

6. The "first pancake rule" (i.e., the first pancake is the imperfect "warm up" pancake) applies to design projects. Duh. I keep telling myself that if it all goes to pot, this is a prototype. Prototypes are good.

7. I am a yarn snob. I cannot shake the guilt of gifting something made from an acrylic/wool blend.

8. Never never never never weave in the ends until you are sure you will not need to unknit anything when you realize that the cable cast-on was done incorrectly because you were too lazy to read step three of the instructions, instead assuming that it read "repeat as in Step 2 until finished." Ahem.

9. The frightening ski masks from a previous post? Patterns here!

China, couldn't be finer

Dear China,

Thank you for no longer giving a damn.

For years I have laboured with the stereotype of the overachieving Chinese student, studious, striving for excellent, respectful of authority. Now, however, I see that I can stop conforming to the unbearable stereotype and let it all hangz out

How else to explain the products you've been exporting recently? First was the contaminated wheat gluten used in pet food, then there was the toothpaste, the toys and now tires. Sure, you overacted by executing the guy in charge of quality control of food and drugs, but that was clearly just a bandaid solution (a bandaid made in China? Indeed!).

I choose to believe that you have embarked on a long-term project of lowering the expectations that every Chinese person living outside China is burdened with from the moment they are born—of being "Chinese." No longer will I feel the need to be detail-oriented (proofreading is for wusses!) or good at math (2+2 = 22!). No more must I feign interest in kung fu movies or pretend to like (ugh!) duck feet.

It can't be that the recall issues are the result of an underregulated economy where the urge for modern efficency and profit uneasily co-exists with a tradition of corruption and corner-cutting. And the rumours that your ability to produce so much (varied!) crap stems from employing industrious Chinese front-line workers who never mutter about their paycheques are blatantly untrue (my gut tells me so). You wouldn't do that to us, would you? Employ the stereotype to break the stereotype? I've heard of tearing down the master's house with the master's tools, but that's got to be pushing it.

I can't wait to see what a fiasco the Olympics will be, what with the pollution and the potential mishandling of human rights protestors.

In short, keep up the bad work.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S. I just stumbled across a fascinating article about Chinese online computer game players whose job it is to mindlessly kill animals/enemies to collect gold that will be sold for real money to other players through series of middle men. The players are called gold farmers! Chinese gold farmers! Awesome. This development has somewhat shaken my faith in your new "One family, one disaffected child" policy. Clearly you have figured out for yourself how to exploit young, male Chinese labourers looking for gold without shipping them to California and British Columbia. I am appalled by yet oddly attracted to your ruthless efficiency...

What happened to the Apple key?!

Anna and I were ooh-ing and aah-ing at the new, sleek, sexy Apple keyboards tonight (want... want... want...) when she gasped. She had noticed something shocking about the command key:


No Apple! No Apple symbol on the command key!! No more Apple key!

Dear Apple: Please stop pandering to the PC crowd. Bring back the Apple key!! Apple-Z!! Apple-Z!!!

Gettin' with the Inter-times

Signs that Buena Vista Entertainment, which hosts the newly-launched, searchable archive of many (but not all of) Siskel & Ebert (& Roeper)'s reviews, has just discovered this thing called the Inter-Web:

1. No embedding option on the site. How else can I embed the hilarious video of Roger Ebert completely misreading Blue Velvet because he's too busy defending Isabella Rossellini's honour?

2. No "link to this" option on the site so that I can link to specific videos. Cutting and pasting only works if you link to the "Search Results" page instead of the video page itself. Ugh!

3. The site's atrocous, impossible to remember URL: http://bventertainment.go.com/tv/buenavista/ebertandroeper.

4. When you forget the URL but want to find the site, the fact that it appears third (not first?) when you Google "Siskel and Ebert online".

5. The 15-second commercial that plays before each and every clip.
a) First of all, if you want to gorge and look up what Gene & Roger thought about all of Martin Sorcesce movies, you'd have to endure the same commercial before every review.
b) Secondly, the ads are composed of fancy shots of the video viewer itself. The box-within-a-box aesthetic is compounded by the screens in the background of the TV show's set (see image below), resulting in a hell of a lot of ugly screen action.


c) The ad is for the archive itself. Not only is the commercial redundant (there is a huge banner link right above the "screen") but also totally unnecessary. The only time an ad for the archive would be needed is if an individual clip of a review appeared on its own somewhere. But wait—see point #1.
d) The commercial provides a different link to the archive than what appears on the browser. However, it is only somewhat easy to remember: www.atthemoviestv.com. I mean, come on, guys. Believe it or not, www.thumbsup.com is not spoken for!

6. Finally: the rounded corners! Aaaahhh!! The rounded corners! (Okay, this last one is personal. Stop rounded corner abuse!).

That's it?

First draft of dissertation chapter one is complete.

Total pages: 34.5

And yet it doesn't feel finished. The last paragraph needs to be more "conclusive". Not that I've written a proper conclusion for the chapter. That will come with the revisions, which I start... later. Soonish, though. By Monday, at least.

And now: beer.

Geekiest. Knitting project. Ever.

This is the beginnings of the Star Wars related knitting project I hinted at in my Jayne Hat post. From the back:


Further along, this time from the front:

And yes, all five of those plastic bags contain balls of yarn that are currently feeding into the project. Figuring out the design (and how to use knitting graph paper, and how to work with gauge, and how to tailor a project to measurements, and how to knit intarsia) took a while, but I think it's going to be worth it.

---------------------

In dissertation news:

Pages cut today: 4 (for the greater good)
Pages written today: 4 (yay!)
Running page count: 30.5

Best writing aid: a detailed outline

Wikipedia abuse

As a teacher, my feelings on Wikipedia are mixed. I believe that it can be a great source of general information, but that students should not be citing it in their essays (and certainly not to support literary analysis). I also believe that being edited by volunteers who aren't screened, Wikipedia is prone to certain types of abuse that print encyclopedias do not experience.

For example, tonight I found myself seriously considering becoming a Wikipedia editor, all because of that filmic bane of my existience, Becoming Jane.

Out of curiosity, I had checked out the Wikipedia entry on the movie—it's surprisingly lengthy considering that the movie hasn't even been widely released in North America yet. The explanation behind the surprise becomes evident when you start reading it. The article was clearly written by someone doing PR for the movie. A choice excerpt:

Becoming Jane DVD will be launched on 10 September 2007; a month after the premiere in the United States. The Original Soundtrack, however, is already available for purchase.... This soundtrack contains many beautiful pieces from the movie. To the fans’ dismay, the track played in the ballroom scene when Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy danced for the second time (a scene hailed for the timely choreography and the intense chemistry between the couple), was not included.

And so on and so on. The article's non-neutral nature has been noted on the corresponding Talk page, but as of tonight no one has bothered to change it.

Maybe, if I finish writing chapter one this week, I'll do a serious rewrite... as a reward! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!