List: Reasons I hate the movie Pride & Prejudice (2005)

To be specific, I am referring to the 2005 Keira Knightley adaptation of one of the greatest novels of all time, which I recently watched again for purposes academic.

1. Keira Knightley's performance. She rushes her lines, can't emote, and the director insists on shooting her face directly from the front—not her best angle. I can't believe she was nominated for an Oscar for this.
2. Jena Malone's voice. The actress plays Lydia as if she always spoke in falsetto. Perhaps it was the only way the American Malone could deliver the English accent.
3. A tonally different, quiet performance from Donald Sutherland. The man elevates anyone in the same scene as him (ahem, Keira), but his laid back, grave performance doesn't fit with the movie's gigglier tone. It's as if he's on Valium while everyone else is on Prozac.
   
4. The Script. Oh, god, the script. Mixes Austen's sharp dialogue with stupid lines like "For god's sake, leave me alone!" or "Don't judge me, Lizzie! Don't you dare judge me!"
5. The Bonte-fication of the movie in the second half, including Knightley standing at the top of a wind-blown precipice, an outdoor, rain-soaked proposal at what looks to be fake Roman ruins, and a sunrise reconciliation in a foggy field.
   
6. And finally (and most egregiously), the kissy ending. It's just as moronic as I remembered it. Full capitulation to romance conventions. To wit:

There's more, but that's enough for now.