Mediocre writer, good editor

Original sentence:

What is most notable about the three kinds of spaces evident in the pawnshop room is how much flow is impeded in these spaces.

Revised sentence:

In each of the pawnshop room's three incarnations, flow is greatly impeded.

Original word count: 24
Revised word count: 12

I don't know whether to bemoan my writing skills or celebrate my editing skills.